Friday, January 22, 2016

New Year: Being Responsible for Our Own Worth

Here we are a few weeks into January 2016 and I was just assessing how I was doing on all my New Year’s goals and asking myself, “What is it that I really want to become?” What is the end game? Where are these goals and endeavors to become something better really leading me? I know I want to be authentic. I know I want to be kind. These are worthy goals but do I really know where to stop and be content with who I am.

I was sitting in the parking lot of the grocery store really pondering these things when Kat, our Projects Manager, sent the following to me, saying it reminded her of Human Art:

Maybe the journey
isn't so much about
becoming anything
Maybe it’s about
un-becoming everything
that isn't really you
so you can be who you
were meant to be
in the first place.
(author unknown)

As usual, her timing was impeccable. It really got me thinking that day, and even when I think of it now it rings so true. Goals are amazing and they help us on our journey, but maybe it is just as important to use them to undo the things that are not true about us. All of the things we have picked up along the way that are not who we are. Maybe it is a journey to come back instead of move away from who we are.

After working on myself to be authentic as well as working to help others be authentic, this is what I do know:

We are responsible for our own:

1.     Love
2.     Acceptance
3.     Security

We are the only ones who can truly provide that for ourselves. Others can support us on the journey, but we have to be responsible for those things in our lives. Other than divinity, there is no one (Human anyway) that can provide this for us. We cannot outsource it. If we wait for someone to provide love, acceptance, or security for us, we will be waiting a long time. I also know if we do try to outsource our worth in any way it will usually leave us feeling profoundly insecure.

We don't need a Prince
Charming to provide
our worth for us
This is how it works. If we have been hurt or traumatized in any way we run the risk of giving up our power. We feel hopeless and we can find ourselves waiting for a fantasy rescue; a Prince Charming (male or female version) to come save the day and restore the worth or power we’ve lost. The problem is there are always conditions to our rescue. These are conditions or expectations that only we know and have rules for. So we desperately need our Prince Charming to be perfect in that rescue by meeting those conditions, in order to alleviate our pain. It turns into a big reenactment and we are now looking for that perfect ending so we can feel better and fix the original pain. This can be played out in a number of ways with a whole cast. The flaw in this system is when Prince Perfect Charming shows up, he tends to show up as human—not perfect—and we are left disappointed; feeling an even greater amount of hopelessness and insecurity. 

When we provide acceptance, love and security for ourselves, then it doesn't matter what happens externally because we are operating from a secure and solid base: our authentic self. In short, we are all like water; humans rise to love and accept us to the same level we love and accept ourselves. 

So as we move through the rest of the year, striving to complete our goals, think first of where you started. What is your authentic nature? What is your central focus? What things might you need to “un-become” in order to be who you were meant to be? These things are dictated by you. You are the only one who truly knows the real you. The rescue has always been right in front of you because IT HAS BEEN YOU THE WHOLE TIME THAT CAN SAVE YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF! Run back to who you are, run fast and run hard. Don't stop until you find yourself. Use your goals and the support around you to aid in that marathon. Don't look externally for your worth, it has been there all along. It is your spirit, it is your soul, it is your diving nature. You know it best. Love yourself like you want others to love you. Then forget yourself for a moment and love others because everyone is a masterpiece.

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