Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Fantasy Rescue: Saving Ourselves

Have you ever had one of those moments in life where you just want someone to rush in and save the day?  We all do.

One of my favorite childhood stories was Cinderella. I loved and still love the part where Prince Charming swoops in and saves her from "one of those days, "or even "one of those lives." I could watch it over and over and never get tired of it. When I was small it was so fun to imagine the future and how many times a "Prince Charming" of sorts would swoop in and save the day. The problem is sometimes in reality it feels more like a moment from another movie I like and it becomes more of an ogre moment instead of a Prince Charming moment because it is done differently than I imagined. It all lies in the expectation.

Intensely Idealized Expectations
The key word is intensely. When we take our fantasy and turn it into an expectation, and take that expectation to the extreme, we can create “ogre moments” instead of “Prince Charming” ones.

Think about a paramedic for a moment. When you get physically hurt often times we have a hero that rescues us, like a paramedic. A paramedic rushes in and restores us. Gets us to where we can get the help we need. No questions asked; they just swoop in, pick us up, and put us back together. Emotionally we sometimes need the same thing. Someone to swoop in and make it better, no questions asked. The problem lies when we expect others to be our hero or paramedic and rush in to save us when in reality we need the skills to do it for ourselves. The problem with someone doing it for us is we might have an expectation of how we need them to rescue us and they are not informed of, or even capable of meeting, that expectation so it can just make things worse. 

The reason we sometimes intensely idealize expectations is because it blocks the pain of our reality. Kind of like being "locked in the tower."  We need to learn to function in reality instead of that expectation so we are functioning at a higher and healthier level where we can be problem-solving and solution focused. We know it's an intensely idealized expectation because it's not realistic (kind of like the Prince Charming moment). To switch back to reality we need to jump start our initiative and do it in the way we know best. And we need to do it for ourselves. Be our own Prince Charming and paramedic and let everyone else just play the part of a real relationship the way it was intended to be.

If you are Saturated you may need order and competence. Provide that for yourself by
creating the situation you want, then let others contribute to it. Then your expectations are reasonable and are covered. Let everyone else just add their talents to your experience and then they can just enhance it instead of being responsible to save it.

Whitened people can rescue themselves with their ability to move freely through a task or situation. They literally just keep moving here and there until something great happens. They try one hundred things and can't help but fall into a few that are truly brilliant!

Someone who is Grayed can imagine all the possibilities and literally solve problems in their head before they physically work it out. They are so methodical and thorough that sometimes the problem is solved and precautions are put into place before the problem arises, so like magic it is not even a problem anymore.

When a Blackened person shows up and they are functioning in reality they are so practical that they will use their assertiveness and efficiency to solve the problem before it has a chance to get any bigger.

Function within your design and just like that there is no need for a fantasy rescue. I still love the story but even more so I love having the ability to really solve any problem in the way I do it best at any given time. It makes me more emotionally powerful and gives me a certain confidence that I don't need to rely on external conditions to solve my problems.

It is so comforting and so important to know I control my emotions. I am strong. You are too. Dig deep inside and find those traits. Use them. Don't wait around for a fantasy rescue. You can do it. You have everything you need. You were born with your unique and special abilities. Remember who you are and how you are made.  Remember all of your talents and use them. Don't forget that you have a uniqueness that no one else has. Use it to your advantage.

And always remember everyone is a masterpiece.

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